Feedback. We ask for it. We avoid it. We fear it. But do we ask for it in the right way?

Yesterday I had my third coaching session, and we spent a good part of our conversation exploring something I’d been avoiding: the fear of launching my business.

The stories in my head sounded familiar: What if people laugh? Who does she think she is? Have you seen her website?

It’s funny how fear of failure and fear of success can exist at the same time. I found myself imagining every possible negative outcome while barely allowing myself to picture what success could actually look like in a week’s time, six months, or even a year from now.

As we talked, the conversation naturally turned to feedback.

If you’ve ever attended one of my leadership or development programmes, you’ll know that feedback is often the topic that makes people the most uncomfortable. Whether it’s giving feedback or receiving it, many people would rather avoid it altogether.

I realised I was doing exactly the same thing.

Whenever I ask for feedback, I almost always ask: “What could I do better?”

My coach stopped me and asked a simple question:

“Do you ask people what they actually like, or what works?”

Mmmm….I scrambled around for some kind of quick answer but in truth….

I didn’t.

If someone was reviewing my website, I’d ask what needed changing, but never what was working well. I was unintentionally creating a vacuum of criticism, collecting only the negatives and never recognising the strengths.

That one question completely changed my perspective.

Instead of asking for feedback that only focuses on improvement, why not seek a balanced picture?

Try asking questions like: What is one thing I could improve? What part worked really well?

What should I continue doing? What would you do differently next time?

When we ask better questions, we receive better feedback.

Three things I’ve taken away: • Be specific. Vague questions produce vague answers. • Stay curious. Listen without becoming defensive and thank people for their honesty. • Act on what you learn. Look for patterns, make improvements, and let people know how their feedback helped.

Feedback isn’t just about finding what’s wrong. It’s also about understanding what’s already working so you can build on your strengths with confidence.

As I continue building my business, this is something I’ll be practising much more intentionally.

How do you ask for feedback? Do you naturally look for what’s wrong, or do you make space to hear what’s working too?

Further reading: Forbes – Why Asking for Feedback Can Be a Key to Success https://www.forbes.com/sites/hollycorbett/2022/02/28/why-asking-for-feedback-can-be-a-key-to-success/